Sunshine

Well, the weather has been glorious the last couple of days. It's been cold first thing in the morning but the sun has been beating down all day and is really warming. I feel so much better for seeing a little sunlight. I've always been a bit of a sunworshipper and love nothing more than just lying basking in its rays.

So, at lunch time today we're escaping the office and will be eating our sandwichs in view of the beach. That'll give me my UV fix for the day.

Sunday

Well - we're having one of those Sundays which I really enjoy. Lazying around the house, doing a few bits and bobs but otherwise slobbing.

We'll be heading out in a wee while to spend some time with my brother and nephew. Looking forward to that. Will is hilarious at the moment and a right little charmer. He's going to be a heartbreaker when he gets a bit older I think.

Not sure what we're up to later on this evening... although it might involve a curry. Hmmmmmm curry!

We went to the movies yesterday evening to see Sweeney Todd and I really enjoyed it. It's not a musical I'm familiar with but it was excellent and Johnny Depp's performance was as good as ever. Would recommend it to anyone who enjoys something a little different. Although it is slightly on the gruesome side.

Back to work tomorrow... boooooo! The weekend just passes way too quickly for my liking!

Positive Thinking

It’s been such a long time since I posted anything on this site! The few people who actually kept up to date with my blog will probably think I dropped off the face of the planet.

Not so! I’m back… and hopefully this time to stay.

This past year has been eventful and lots of fun. It would take far too long to fill you in on everything that’s been happening but after a difficult start to our new life in the North of Scotland me and Mike have settled in nicely. We’re still living in our lovely country cottage with our remaining pussy cat Smudge, with the addition of a tropical fish tank full of interesting inhabitants. We’re both enjoying work to a reasonable extent, having made a number of good friends and finally settling into a routine. I’m so grateful to be back in a job that I enjoy, after my last disaster. But we won’t talk about that!

In the latter half of 2007 I finally got back involved with theatre, taking the adult lead in a new musical called Lady Lane. It was lots of fun and made me realise just how much I’d missed acting and singing. I’m in the middle of rehearsing for a new play which opens on the 28th February called The Guid Sisters. It’s a black comedy and I play a pretty interesting character called Rose.

My little nephew Will is growing up fast. He’s 18months old now and chattering away like a dafty. I can’t get over how clever he is and how funny. My brother David and his wife Laura are doing a spectacular job of raising him and I love being so close to them.

My parents are both well and just as supportive as ever. Just recently I’ve started to realise that my parents don’t just love me… the actually like me. Probably sounds like a strange thing to say but so many family don’t have that kind of relationship. They spend time together because they have to… not because they want to. The four of us love spending time together, having dinner and just chilling out. I’m lucky to have them.

I’ve been feeling more like myself than I have in as long as I can remember. Doing all the things I used to love doing… being the person I enjoy being… with the love and support of those people most important to me.
I’m very lucky!

I'm back!!

Well - it's certainly been a while since I've posted.

Needless to say A LOT has happened.

I'm only just up and running with internet connection at home - it's been a long and very complicated problem but we've finally got it fixed and are back up and running with an internet connection in the house.

YIPPEE!!

I've got a new job...things are pretty good. So amazingly enough... no moaning this post!

Mike is dying to get on the computer for a bit now that we've got it up and running... so I'll post a proper entry when I have a bit more time.

I just wanted to say - HULLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Roll on 2007

My last few blogs have been very miserable. I feel like I'm moaning all the time - but things haven't been great... and just this last week they reached an all time low.

Our wonderful monster of a moggy Milo died on Christmas Eve. We have no idea what happened. He went out on the Saturday evening - and didn't come back. both our cats come in at night and always come when we call them. It was bitterly cold that night - the frost was thick on the ground. And we both knew something was very wrong when Milo still wasn't home by midnight. Mike went looking for him with the torch but couldn't find him. I waited up all night for him but there was still no sign, so on Sunday morning (Christmas Eve) I went out looking for him as soon as it was light enough to see. I was heading back to the house when Mike called to say that he'd found our little baby dead in the field behind our house.

Needless to say we are absolutely devastated.

We buried him at my parents house that same day. It sounds strange but we both needed to get it done - having him there, not wanting to let him go was very hard. Putting him in the ground and actually saying goodbye was even harder.

Our two pussy cats Smudge and Milo have always been a hugely important part of our lives - and we've lost an important member of our family.

I know a few people reading this will be thinking - it was just a cat!

But he wasn't just a cat to us.

• He was a mischievous little trouble maker.


• A monster.


• Master mouse catcher - Milo the Merciless!


• He was my little baby - suckling on my earlobes when he needed a cuddle.


• He was brilliant and very funny.


• He loved mashed tatties and gravy.


• His favourite toy was a stuffed tiger he used to carry around in his mouth as a kitten.


• He loved to pounch on anything that moved.


• He didn't meow - he talked. We'd have lengthy conversations about our days.


• He made a funny little bird noise - too lazily to open his mouth to meow properly.


• He only purred when he exhaled.


• He always told you when he wanted to go to bed - and would expect you to join him. If you didn't he would complain loudly.


• He loved to torment Smudge.


• His favourite movie was Ice Age - but he loved animal programs as well.


• He was terrified of the hoover.


• He had the biggest paws I've ever seen in a cat - in fact he was HUGE!


• He was gorgeous.

And we have some very fond and very sad memories of him. He would have been 3 in June and although the time we had with him was very special it was way too short.

Anyway - Christmas has been very sad this year. I'm looking forward to a New Year - and a new start. I think I need it.

Reflecting

Well, I've just read through my last few entries. It's amazing how time has flown in... and how much things have changed in such a short space of time.

I can't believe it's only been a couple of months since Mike joined me up North and we started our new life together. It's certainly been a rollercoaster - and that's putting it mildly.

I've always been one to have strong impressions of situations, people and places. I can usually pick up 'vibes' about people but I never trust my instincts. I really should have - again!

My new job turned into a nightmare and reading back on previous posts I think I knew right from the start that it wasn't for me. The job has been stressful, demanding and have put pressure on my relationships, making our new start here more of a up hill struggle than it needed to be. Starting a new life, moving home and leaving behind everything you've known is a massive upheaval at the best of times - so having a job that makes you feel down, anxious and full of despair is not the best way to ease yourself into things.

To be fair I don't think I can blame anyone but myself - although my boss is a bully...plain and simple. She is a woman who has no concept of how her actions effect others; demanding your full attention, commitment and your dedication for no thanks or encouragement. I was told the job would be difficult and that she was a nightmare to work for - but I guess I just didn't realise how much of a nightmare it would be.

I started to get panic attacks - to dread my next day at work. I was in tears constantly, at the thought of having to spend a single minute more in that office. I've had my confidence dashed and my faith in human spirit shaken. How can people be so selfish? To think that they are more important than anyone else? Is mankind really so shallow?

Anyway - things came to a very dramatic head a week past Friday when I had a massive panic attack and ended up at the doctors. I know it sounds melodramatic but I was keenly aware that my sanity was hanging by a thread... that I was very close to 'loosing it' in a big way. And I've never been so terrified in my life.

It probably sounds ridiculas. To get so overwhelmed by the stress of a job that you feel like you're going crazy. but that was me - and I'm only now just starting to feel more like myself again.

I've been signed off work for four weeks - I know I'm not going back... my boss knows I'm not going back. And to be honest I think we're both as pleased as each other. It's a difficult thing knowing that you're not wanted, or really liked, but I guess I learnt a long time ago that you can't be liked all of the time. People are different - personalities clash - life goes on.

Crazy Days

Well, things are finally starting to settle down after a mad few weeks.

I'm been going through a pretty tough time of it at work. I thought I was handling things ok, the work is very stressful and my boss is a complete nightmare... but things seem to be going reasonably well. Over the last month, things haven't been so great.

My boss has been nitpicking about everything I do. Checking on my work behind me, and in secret. Doubting my abilities and making it very obvious that she wasn't that happy with what I was doing. Things finally came to a head a couple of weeks ago when she reduced me to tears and we had it out. I told her she was intimidating me and that I had no illusions that she wanted me to stay in the job... well, to cut a long story short I think it's cleared the air a little. But I have no doubt that it's only a matter of time before things kick off again - she's just that sort of person, unpredictable and very unorganised.

Perhaps I didn't fully appreciate the level of work involved? I mean, I'm an organised person when it comes to work... Mike's nickname for me is Monica from Friends - cause he thinks I'm that anal about things. But organising Fiona (my boss) ... well, that's a whole other kettle of fish!

Anyway, at the moment the rough seas are calm (so to speak) and we'll see how it goes. But I'm coming to the conclusion more and more these days that life is just too short to live with stress. It overwhelms every other aspect of your life and that's the last thing I want.

Perhaps a new job is in order?