Reflecting
Well, I've just read through my last few entries. It's amazing how time has flown in... and how much things have changed in such a short space of time.
I can't believe it's only been a couple of months since Mike joined me up North and we started our new life together. It's certainly been a rollercoaster - and that's putting it mildly.
I've always been one to have strong impressions of situations, people and places. I can usually pick up 'vibes' about people but I never trust my instincts. I really should have - again!
My new job turned into a nightmare and reading back on previous posts I think I knew right from the start that it wasn't for me. The job has been stressful, demanding and have put pressure on my relationships, making our new start here more of a up hill struggle than it needed to be. Starting a new life, moving home and leaving behind everything you've known is a massive upheaval at the best of times - so having a job that makes you feel down, anxious and full of despair is not the best way to ease yourself into things.
To be fair I don't think I can blame anyone but myself - although my boss is a bully...plain and simple. She is a woman who has no concept of how her actions effect others; demanding your full attention, commitment and your dedication for no thanks or encouragement. I was told the job would be difficult and that she was a nightmare to work for - but I guess I just didn't realise how much of a nightmare it would be.
I started to get panic attacks - to dread my next day at work. I was in tears constantly, at the thought of having to spend a single minute more in that office. I've had my confidence dashed and my faith in human spirit shaken. How can people be so selfish? To think that they are more important than anyone else? Is mankind really so shallow?
Anyway - things came to a very dramatic head a week past Friday when I had a massive panic attack and ended up at the doctors. I know it sounds melodramatic but I was keenly aware that my sanity was hanging by a thread... that I was very close to 'loosing it' in a big way. And I've never been so terrified in my life.
It probably sounds ridiculas. To get so overwhelmed by the stress of a job that you feel like you're going crazy. but that was me - and I'm only now just starting to feel more like myself again.
I've been signed off work for four weeks - I know I'm not going back... my boss knows I'm not going back. And to be honest I think we're both as pleased as each other. It's a difficult thing knowing that you're not wanted, or really liked, but I guess I learnt a long time ago that you can't be liked all of the time. People are different - personalities clash - life goes on.
I can't believe it's only been a couple of months since Mike joined me up North and we started our new life together. It's certainly been a rollercoaster - and that's putting it mildly.
I've always been one to have strong impressions of situations, people and places. I can usually pick up 'vibes' about people but I never trust my instincts. I really should have - again!
My new job turned into a nightmare and reading back on previous posts I think I knew right from the start that it wasn't for me. The job has been stressful, demanding and have put pressure on my relationships, making our new start here more of a up hill struggle than it needed to be. Starting a new life, moving home and leaving behind everything you've known is a massive upheaval at the best of times - so having a job that makes you feel down, anxious and full of despair is not the best way to ease yourself into things.
To be fair I don't think I can blame anyone but myself - although my boss is a bully...plain and simple. She is a woman who has no concept of how her actions effect others; demanding your full attention, commitment and your dedication for no thanks or encouragement. I was told the job would be difficult and that she was a nightmare to work for - but I guess I just didn't realise how much of a nightmare it would be.
I started to get panic attacks - to dread my next day at work. I was in tears constantly, at the thought of having to spend a single minute more in that office. I've had my confidence dashed and my faith in human spirit shaken. How can people be so selfish? To think that they are more important than anyone else? Is mankind really so shallow?
Anyway - things came to a very dramatic head a week past Friday when I had a massive panic attack and ended up at the doctors. I know it sounds melodramatic but I was keenly aware that my sanity was hanging by a thread... that I was very close to 'loosing it' in a big way. And I've never been so terrified in my life.
It probably sounds ridiculas. To get so overwhelmed by the stress of a job that you feel like you're going crazy. but that was me - and I'm only now just starting to feel more like myself again.
I've been signed off work for four weeks - I know I'm not going back... my boss knows I'm not going back. And to be honest I think we're both as pleased as each other. It's a difficult thing knowing that you're not wanted, or really liked, but I guess I learnt a long time ago that you can't be liked all of the time. People are different - personalities clash - life goes on.
posted by Rachel at 4:56 AM
2 Comments:
Thank goodness you are away from there!!!! I am on stress leave since May and I will never work under conditions like that again. Much like you I suffered extreme job related anxiety, only I hung on for a year and in the process destroyed my health and to some degree sanity. It was my doctor who finally said quit or you'll end up with a heart attack.
Wishing you all the best for 2007 and GOODLY jobs for both of us in the new year!!!
MErry Christmas!
Hang on in there Rach - the right job will come your way pretty soon, I'm sure of it! I'm like you - my gut instinct is always right, it's just that I don't listen to it half the time either!! I know the last few days have been difficult too, and I hope the New Year brings a better year for you and Mike.
See you soon!
Fee
xx
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